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Like Glass
like glass episode five of this war of mine ---- — windpaw Leopardheart is dead. The Clan is in an uproar. Why wouldn't they be? Their medicine cat suddenly turns up dead, with the cause of death being unknown to them. Her death was caused by either poisoning or a hit to the back of the head. I told them. They doubted me. I don't know how they could doubt their new medicine cat. What do you know? ''they jeered. ''You're younger than most of us. It's not like you conducted an investigation. Why do I even bother? If that's all they have to say to me, then I... What's the point? . . . I let out a scream of frustration and swing my claws at the nearest object. Tree bark clicks against my claws and falls to the ground. Then everything's silent again. "Why is this happening...?" I hiss to myself. "The only one that really cared about me is dead, and everyone else is ignoring me. It's like I'm supposed to be alone." I sigh, then bitterly growl, "Thanks, StarClan. Glad I could count on you." I rip my claws out of the tree with more force than necessary and retract them before standing. I'm at the GorseClan border. It's nearly dusk - the Clan must be mourning Leopardheart by now. Maybe she's already been buried. I really don't care about it anymore. I've been away since dawn, when Leopardheart's body was discovered. Normally the Clan would have sent out a search party by now, because they were worried. But apparently they didn't send one, or I would've been found by now. Am I really that unwanted? I guess it doesn't matter anymore, since I won't be going back anyway. After staring blankly at the sky for ten minutes, I step over the border, onto GorseClan's territory. I intend to head for the moor just beyond their territory, since no one would bother looking there for a "lost kit". Suddenly a voice sounds behind me. "Windpaw! What're you doing!?" I hesitantly turn to see Hollypaw. "Why do you care?" I snap abrasively. The white-furred apprentice steps back, his eyes wide. "I-I noticed you weren't at camp, and I started to worry, s-so I... came to look for you." He looks at his paws, as if he's embarrassed. "Tell the Clan I'm gone." I hiss, turning away. "B-but Windpaw! You can't leave!" Hollypaw gasps. "You're the Clan's only medicine cat! We need you!" "Actually, they don't. They can heal themselves, I couldn't care less about what happens to them now." "You don't even know how to hunt! O-or fight!" "I can learn." "...Would Leopardheart want this!?" Hollypaw wails. "To abandon your Clan when they need you most?" At that, I stop. What would Leopardheart want? Leopardheart's dead and she's not coming back, and he's asking me what Leopardheart would want? That's... that's...! ...Actually a good question. I already know what she would want. She'd want me to stay and take care of TideClan. But how can I do that when they treat me like a kit? They don't respect me, so why should they have a medicine cat? They can live without me. Hollypaw speaks again, his voice choked up. "W-Windpaw, please don't l-leave..." Why is he so persistent? "Okay! Fine!" I snap. "Just stop acting like a kit!" Hollypaw brightens up instantly, and I heave a sigh and follow him back to camp. . . . When we reach camp, I spot a long-furred figure standing on the leader's rock, and I prick my ears. Has Brightstar woken up? ...No. That's Eagleheart on the rock. For what reason, I don't know. Some cats turn to look at us, but I ignore them. I turn to Hollypaw and hiss, "What's Eagleheart doing?" Hollypaw shakes his head helplessly. "He's choosing a new deputy." "Why? That's Brightstar's job!" He looks down at his paws, and looks as if he's about to start crying. Then he explains, "Brightstar's in a permanent state of sleep. She's breathing, but sh-she won't be... waking up..." "And Dappleface?" I say sharply. "Why is Eagleheart choosing a deputy while she's still here?" "She... quit her position as deputy." Hollypaw answers quietly, still not looking at me. I hiss in frustration. "You can't be serious! There's no way this will be accepted!" Glancing around, I feel more and more angry and shocked, seeing that every cat seems to be in favor of Eagleheart taking Brightstar's place. I should just spare myself the anger and leave right now. I stalk past Hollypaw and settle near my den, my eyes narrowed at Eagleheart. In the crowd of cats, I can see Dappleface's calico pelt, and I spit disdainfully. She's such a coward. I don't care if she just woke up from being unconscious, I'm not going to feel sorry for her. Eagleheart clears his throat and goes on, "The new deputy of TideClan - until Brightstar's kits are older - will be Sandwhisker." He gazes down at the tabby with glimmering amber eyes, and, even from here, I can see some emotion in their depths. What is it...? Does he love her? I don't know anything about love, but once some mouse-brain came to me and declared that they were lovesick. How stupid. Sandwhisker stands and bows her head, seemingly oblivious to Eagleheart's gaze. "I'll do my best!" she promises, but her words are drowned out by the whoops and calls of her Clanmates. Her sister, Shellfur, is cheering the loudest of all of them. Eagleheart silently stares at her from where he stands on the leader's rock. I hiss, stand, and storm into my den, lashing my tail. No one seems to notice, and I step into my nest and lay down, heaving a sigh. Brightstar is still passed out in her nest at the far edge of the den, and Robinsong is stretched out in his nest. I spot a shadow appear at the mouth of the den, and turn over to where my back is to them. After a moment, I glance over to see the shadow is gone. Relieved, I lay back down and close my eyes. . . . "Windpaw!" I didn't mean to fall asleep. I jolt awake to someone saying my name. "What?" I respond hastily, scrambling to my paws. It's Russetpool. The queen blinks at me and mews, "I'm sorry about Leopardheart." I sigh. "Yeah. Me too." She flicks her ears, but doesn't say anything more about Leopardheart. Instead, she nudges a small bundle of fur forward. "There was a thorn stuck in our nest. Pebblekit got it in his paw, and I didn't want to hurt him. With you being a medicine cat, I figured you could help him." I sigh again. "Okay. C'mere, Pebblekit." I say, urging the grey tom to come closer. He shuffles over to me and holds out a paw, and I can see a long thorn stuck in the pad. Trying not to hurt Pebblekit, I remove the thorn, blocking out his whimpers of pain. "See? The thorn's gone now." Pebblekit stares at his paw, then looks up at me shyly. Russetpool gently mews, "What do you say now, Pebblekit?" The kit's reply was barely audible. "Th-thanks." he says softly before scampering back to hide behind Russetpool. I snort. It's not like he needs to be scared of me. "Don't thank me. It's my job, anyway." "Windpaw..." Russetpool pauses. "Are you okay? You seem troubled." "Troubled doesn't even begin to describe it." I mumble, twitching my tail. --tbc